First, I’d like to show the little update I made to last week’s Pretty Little Head art work. It still felt incomplete to me. Perhaps it will change and evolve more, but for now it feels a bit more settled.
Now, on to the original piece that I had started to make. This has a rather complicated story to go with it. It is based off of an experience I had at the UCLA Brain Tumor conference in their Mindful Meditation session. The speaker gave a 10 minute demonstration of meditation and instead of having my typical meditative experience, this was the experience I had:
About 1 minute into the meditation, my eyes were closed, and then my eye balls began to involuntarily move back and forth horizontally, rather quickly. I saw colors and shapes and the images I saw looked as though they were flickering like a slow film movie. There was a loud noise outside as though someone was moving something and it crashed and it sounded amplified and echoed. In addition, I could hear the buzzing noise of the lights grow louder. It reminded me of the static noise a tv with no signal makes and I could start to see the static crackle. And while I wasn’t moving any part of my body, I felt as though my head was slowly moving to the left around my neck, all the way around, the way an owl can move their head 360 degrees. It reminded me of some sort of horror movie. I opened my eyes a couple times to make it stop.
Then, when I closed them again, I had an image of myself, and it was like my own Alice in Wonderland. I had a visualization of my torso getting larger, and my hands that were folded in my lap getting larger as well, until they were larger than my body. And I could FEEL my fingers getting larger, where they felt as though they were 1.5 inches thick. I opened my eyes then also, and the visualization of parts of me being larger stopped but the feeling of my fingers being larger stayed, even though I was looking at them being normal. It didn’t stop until the speaker ended the meditation and I moved my hands around, picked up my pen, etc.
I still don’t know exactly what this experience was, although it’s thought that perhaps it was a reaction to overstimulation – being in a new place, with a lot of people, and a lot of emotional information, so quickly after my surgery.
Using a photo of neighborhood graffiti art, self portraits, and one of my MRIs, I created this image. I started it based off of this experience, thinking of this bizarre horror movie meets the “Eat me, Drink me” Alice in Wonderland chapter. And from there it kind of took on a life of its own.
I think instead of me talking and explaining more about it, I’ll just let you look at it and maybe have your own feelings about it……